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The Maisano Code: How sex is like pizza

Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot
Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot

Most recently I have been reading posts & comments on Facebook by single ladies who also seem to have the same romantic outlook. Romance, my ass! It’s all BS: They reel ya in and then WHAM – a slap in the face.


Somewhere along the way romance got whacked — only we don’t know who put it down with the first shot, then delivered the coup de grace with a bullet in the back of the skull.

Maryann Maisano


There are three entities in any relationship: You, me and the relationship. So give it the attention it deserves. Sure, life happens and we can all get lost in the day to day, the mundane, the drama and lose all that spontaneity.

That’s exactly when we need to say: “OK, we need a weekend away.” Or pitch a freakin’ tent in your living room (Don’t even GO there, wise guy). Take a ride and do it in the car.

So you went into the relationship with an open mind and fell in love. You got attention, romance, the whole ball o’ wax and then BADA BING! You’re stuck with Mr. or Miss Mundane. Only you care about this person now. Not fair.

Look, I’m not tryin’ to dude bash here, but I have never once heard a guy say: “She’s not romantic any more.” I’m sure some of you have that capability. Why can’t ya just fake it like we do?

But really, who killed romance? And why do most of us seek out the ones who aren’t capable? Was it you being emotionally unavailable? Was it your fear of intimacy? Is it your way of protecting you? Is it better to settle for someone than to just be alone?

Remember: Sex is like pizza.

Let’s say you have this favorite place. You’ll go only there. Then one day you tug on the locked door and notice the “On Vacation” sign.

Now you could go home and feel pissed that you didn’t get your favorite pizza. Or you could go to the next joint and order a slice. It ain’t great, but — hey — it’s pizza!

So every once in awhile you settle for a bad slice.

Question is: Is it good to you? Does it satisfy you? Are you sorry you didn’t wait?

Do me a favor: While you’re chewing on that one, see whether you can figure out who killed romance. And don’t forget to check yourself and make sure it wasn’t you.


Reviewers have raved about Maryann’s music & standup. She’s opened for Joy Behar and Ray Romano, and has played The Laugh Factory, Broadway Comedy Club and Dangerfield’s. She has a CD out and will be featured on Danny Aiello’s upcoming album, “City of Light.” Judging from the looks of the packed houses, she’ll also be staging plenty more performances with the ITALIAN CHICKS, whose show has been called “part meatball, part cannoli.” For more on Maryann, the group, where they’re performing & how to get tickets, click here: ITALIAN CHICKS . Tell ’em CLIFFVIEWPILOT sent you.

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